I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize