Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
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I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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