I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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