No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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