I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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