I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize