They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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