Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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