Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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