Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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