K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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