He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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