so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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