I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
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I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
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i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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