Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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