I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
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you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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