i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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