True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
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Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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