I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
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No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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