I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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