it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
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Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
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Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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