This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
even my farts smell like vagina
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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