I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize