On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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