and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize