boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked him into tasing himself.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize