Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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