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my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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