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when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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