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Last Night in Oregon (503)

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The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator

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(503): The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator http://tfl.nu/5qfu

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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.

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(503): Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously. http://tfl.nu/epia

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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?

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(503): Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower? http://tfl.nu/g495

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do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?

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(503): do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice? http://tfl.nu/c0bh

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i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.

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(503): i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there. http://tfl.nu/qu8f

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One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.

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By 8 I mean 9.

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And by 9 I mean 10.

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(503): One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party. (503): By 8 I mean 9. (503): And by 9 I mean 10. http://tfl.nu/vux8

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I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"

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(503): I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina" http://tfl.nu/3nun

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today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.

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(503): today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola. http://tfl.nu/yi5l

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I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it

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(503): I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it http://tfl.nu/jqdj

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My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.

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(503): My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night. http://tfl.nu/xdrw

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How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?

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(503): How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record? http://tfl.nu/dn2a

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He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning

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(503): He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning http://tfl.nu/4hjz

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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.

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(503): College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk. http://tfl.nu/e4bz

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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.

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(503): well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up. http://tfl.nu/zf7z

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I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is

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(503): I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is http://tfl.nu/t4n0

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Last Night in Oregon (503)

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