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i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we made out on top of his cat.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I could make wine with my vomit
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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