Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (503)

Last Night in Oregon (503)

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(503): View more from Oregon

i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.

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(503): i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding. http://tfl.nu/0bxz

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we made out on top of his cat.

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(503): we made out on top of his cat. http://tfl.nu/6lsk

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He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you

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(503): He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you http://tfl.nu/gy7n

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I could make wine with my vomit

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(503): I could make wine with my vomit http://tfl.nu/9wng

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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian

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(503): Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian http://tfl.nu/9eu3

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still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona

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(503): still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona http://tfl.nu/3dwf

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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.

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(503): I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over. http://tfl.nu/8vsu

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I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006

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(503): I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006 http://tfl.nu/o4mq

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He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.

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(503): He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive. http://tfl.nu/kzk0

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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.

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(503): I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/wdtm

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What's wrong?

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Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.

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Pussy.

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(503): What's wrong? (1-503): Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans. (503): Pussy. http://tfl.nu/sltt

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I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.

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(503): I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life. http://tfl.nu/c2dk

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I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.

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(503): I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any. http://tfl.nu/5jsz

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O no, u 2 are dating again?

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No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture

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(760): O no, u 2 are dating again? (503): No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture http://tfl.nu/e7yu

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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.

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(503): And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company. http://tfl.nu/g17w

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Last Night in Oregon (503)

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