Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alabama (256)

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  (256): View more from Alabama

  It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.

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  (256): It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops. http://tfl.nu/42cm
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  Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?

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  (256): Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it? http://tfl.nu/m23f
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  she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump

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  (256): she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump http://tfl.nu/on8v
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  I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.

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  (256): I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics. http://tfl.nu/u31h
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  from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.

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  i do.

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  (256): from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot. (334): i do. http://tfl.nu/nohm
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  Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed

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  (256): Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed http://tfl.nu/t8qm
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  'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option

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  (256): 'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option http://tfl.nu/mpq0
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  made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold

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  (256): made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold http://tfl.nu/0w5z
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  dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be

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  (256): dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be http://tfl.nu/upcg
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  Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.

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  (256): Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee. http://tfl.nu/nrww
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  I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

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  (256): I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed. http://tfl.nu/8aru
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  You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.

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  That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.

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  Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.

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  Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

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  (256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass. (1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years. (256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that. (1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham. http://tfl.nu/egwd
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  As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.

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  (256): As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right. http://tfl.nu/ax5o
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  that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level

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  (256): that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level http://tfl.nu/kj4c
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  smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.

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  (256): smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick. http://tfl.nu/bhlk
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