Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Follow @tfln