Texts From Last Night · ashpoop's Favorites

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ashpoop's Favorites Texts:

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.

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(856): I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch. http://tfl.nu/64iu

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(206): View more from Washington

Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.

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(206): Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night. http://tfl.nu/k8do

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(954): View more from Florida

so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop

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(954): so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop http://tfl.nu/k9k3

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(330): View more from Ohio

I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke

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(330): I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke http://tfl.nu/gn8s

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(319): View more from Iowa

Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?

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(319): Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's? http://tfl.nu/rb01

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(913): View more from Kansas

You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting

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(913): You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting http://tfl.nu/1yn1

Replies (21) Good night (2513) Bad night (803)
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(650): View more from California

i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug

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(650): i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug http://tfl.nu/0t6b

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(204): View more from Manitoba

He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.

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(204): He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina. http://tfl.nu/1ygc

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(630): View more from Illinois

He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

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(630): He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins. http://tfl.nu/5ao1

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(301): View more from Maryland

Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"

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(301): Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal" http://tfl.nu/5b46

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(206): View more from Washington

Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.

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(206): Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though. http://tfl.nu/6g66

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss

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(781): My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss http://tfl.nu/yqt0

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(914): View more from New York

I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.

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(914): I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned. http://tfl.nu/hdoa

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(661): View more from California

He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

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(661): He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ay3j

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.

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(405): I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny. http://tfl.nu/uleh

Replies (30) Good night (5365) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt

ashpoop's Favorites Texts:

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