Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (479)

Last Night in Arkansas (479)

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.

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(479): Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody. http://tfl.nu/gh8f

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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.

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(479): When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls. http://tfl.nu/83jv

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I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka

(479): View more from Arkansas

I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once

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(417): I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka (479): I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once http://tfl.nu/xq51

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So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.

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Haha. Niice.

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Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.

(307): View more from Wyoming

both.

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(479): So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack. (307): Haha. Niice. (479): Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered. (307): both. http://tfl.nu/wvm3

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I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.

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(479): I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/4ovg

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You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.

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You got my ass fired just for knowing you

(479): View more from Arkansas

thanks for the bacon

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(479): You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment. (1-479): You got my ass fired just for knowing you (479): thanks for the bacon http://tfl.nu/zw0i

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I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.

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(479): I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight. http://tfl.nu/07n7

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I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.

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(479): I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting. http://tfl.nu/hwr8

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Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...

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(479): Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school... http://tfl.nu/5amt

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I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.

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(479): I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast. http://tfl.nu/j7ef

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I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.

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(479): I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous. http://tfl.nu/e117

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even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...

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(479): even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit... http://tfl.nu/fzja

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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.

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(479): She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed. http://tfl.nu/si5q

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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes

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(479): I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes http://tfl.nu/u839

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Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.

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(479): Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out. http://tfl.nu/6ock

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Last Night in Arkansas (479)

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