Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Virginia (757)

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.

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  (757): Just try to lay there and not be pregnant. http://tfl.nu/a665
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  It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.

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  (757): It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends. http://tfl.nu/y207
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  I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.

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  (757): I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis. http://tfl.nu/mahz
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  Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight

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  (757): Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight http://tfl.nu/0tps
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  I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.

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  (757): I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home. http://tfl.nu/lnz2
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  my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers

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  (757): my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers http://tfl.nu/1x7e
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  Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.

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  (757): Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/fb35
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  My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.

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  (757): My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed. http://tfl.nu/rjig
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  Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy

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  (757): Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy http://tfl.nu/p6z3
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  You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.

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  (757): You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy. http://tfl.nu/hg9j
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  apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously

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  (757): apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously http://tfl.nu/dgt5
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  Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.

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  (757): Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore. http://tfl.nu/pqxc
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  He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.

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  (757): He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/ihy8
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  It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.

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  (757): It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean. http://tfl.nu/z8cg
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  It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.

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  (757): It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/luie
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