There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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