I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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