The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
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oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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