I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
be right there i have to get my cape
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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