Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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