Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize