Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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