Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize