I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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