I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize