So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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