He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
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Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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