she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I know her cup size but not her name....
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