no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Randomize