He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
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So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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